hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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