I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
