I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
