I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize