no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
