have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
