The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
