stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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