Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
