1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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