it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize