He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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