I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
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The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
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I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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