my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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