I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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