i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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