Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
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When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
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Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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