I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
