So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
