you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize