There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
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Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
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It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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