I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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