i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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