whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
