You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
