Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize