I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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