Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize