you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
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it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
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He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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