Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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