My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
