When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I FOUND THE LEGS
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
