Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
