Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
