There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize