either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
then he tried to convert me to islam
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.