Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.