My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Naked Twister starts at high noon
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in