This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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