Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
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Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize