I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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