The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
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He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
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Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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