I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.