I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
21 Sketchy Drug Deals That Are Scary AF
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are