I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels