Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
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Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
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I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...