I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral