Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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