My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
