Hey man sorry I got all grabby
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she told me i tasted like america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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