omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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