You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
