i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize