if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
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I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
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A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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