Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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